


indestructible, as far as we know

by surrenderer



Series: before we burn [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anxiety, Insomnia, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22950913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrenderer/pseuds/surrenderer
Summary: When he’s around Ren, he feels chaotic, uncontrolled, helpless. It’s awful. It’s addicting.While Ren sleeps in the medbay, Hux can't sleep at all.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: before we burn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755583
Comments: 7
Kudos: 58





	indestructible, as far as we know

**Author's Note:**

> If you told me in 2015 that I'd be writing and posting kylux in 2020, I would've laughed you right out of my home. But then I saw [this](https://suzannart.tumblr.com/post/147066340437/as-if-you-left-the-medbay-cam-once-last-night), and I just had to write the scene.
> 
> The title is from [Honeyblood](https://open.spotify.com/track/2IGGFw76BvRpC8P0lDEHAi?si=JVZuOyxlTvSqLF9EeUVrMQ) by Empires, aka my favorite song in this whole universe.

Being back on the _Finalizer_ should be a relief, but Hux feels nothing but cold. It’s cold, it’s snowing, Starkiller is falling to pieces below his feet, Ren is bleeding out in front of him—

No.

Ren is in the sickbay, has been for nearly a week now, as the droids and the bacta knit his organs and his skin back together. He’s sedated, drugged up within an inch of his remaining life, but Hux receives daily reports from the chief medical officer herself, and so he knows Ren will only suffer the indignities for two, three cycles at the most before he’ll awaken fully. Even now, he fights the sedatives and reacts poorly to any treatment, to the point where they’ve doubled the doses and Hux has had to put in urgent requisition orders for more surgical droids.

 _Those drugs should be enough to stop several fathiers in their tracks, let alone one human male,_ Dr. Andron told him anxiously two cycles ago, _but he’s fighting it. I’ve never seen anything like it. The sedatives burn out of his system within the hour… he remains comatose but his powers… they can’t be controlled unless he’s fully under._

Hux approved the heavier doses in the end because the last thing he needs is more paperwork or dead staff on his ship, but he resents being asked for permission, like he’s Ren’s nursemaid, or mother, or… well.

His footsteps echo down the empty hallway; it’s halfway through the first shift and the majority of officers and stormtroopers on duty are patrolling near the bridge, not hanging around the sickbay on the mid-levels. Hux doesn’t remember the last time he slept through a full rest period. Probably not since before moving quarters onto Starkiller itself, and most definitely not after its destruction. He’s been waiting for his fate, although he’ll put a blaster to his temple first rather than face whatever punishment Snoke has in store for him if Ren doesn’t heal, doesn’t wake up again—

No.

He punches his override code into the nearest door panel when he reaches the sickbay. They’ve had to keep it locked for _security reasons,_ because they have to keep the extent of Ren’s injuries a secret from the troops. The news of a Force user with the Resistance, one powerful enough to take down Kylo Ren and leave him in a medical coma for several cycles, would decimate morale, low enough already now that they’ve lost Starkiller. Only Hux and Dr. Andron have access to this room.

The door slides open for him; it’s dark, save for the recessed lights on the floor along the wall. There’s a small viewport above the bed and a small bedside table with nothing but a jug of water. And once Hux’s eyes adjust to the darkness, he can see Ren, sedated and asleep on the bed. Clean regulation-white sheets preserve his modesty, but the bandages along his side, across his chest, stretching from his forehead to his neck and across one eye, are stained pink, like a combination of blood and bacta gel have seeped into the cloth.

Hux rubs at his face wearily in the doorway, the leather catching on his skin in the most uncomfortable way, but it wakes him up. He shouldn’t be here. He should be in his own quarters, sleeping, doing paperwork, hashing out the rest of his worst-case scenario plans. Anything but be _here_ at Ren’s bedside like he’s a grieving widow. How pathetic. His feet bring him to the lone chair at Ren’s bedside, though, and he drops into it with a heavy sigh not at all befitting the General of the _Finalizer_.

He will have to leave before Dr. Andron comes in to check on Ren, but he has a while yet. It’s chilly in here, but Hux barely feels the cold anymore, not after the snow on Starkiller and years in space. And it’s quiet, other than the hum of the climate-control system and Ren’s deep breathing.

Hux breathes in, out, in, out. Just like Ren. He looks less of a monster now, bandaged and bruised and brought down by the miracles of modern science. The medics had to cut his hair to stitch the cut on his face closed, so it’s ragged and uneven on one side. He looks younger like this—a boy rather than a man nearly thirty.

Hux closes his eyes and he doesn’t sleep, but he hovers in that grey space between asleep and awake. He’s exhausted, and when he does have time for rest, he lays awake in his bed all night, lest the nightmares start again. Ren’s spent time trying to teach him meditation, which Hux scoffed at—he’s as Force-sensitive as a piece of durasteel—but he finds himself matching Ren’s breathing patterns now and it gives him something to focus on.

In, out, in, out. He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting here, but he straightens up when Ren starts twitching. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, but he recognizes the signs of Ren trying to fight off the heavy yoke of sedation.

“You _idiot_ ,” Hux growls, because he suddenly knows that Ren can hear him. Even if he’s not awake enough to understand, Hux needs to get this crushing pressure off his chest. It’s been eating him up ever since he dragged Ren’s bloodied body into the damned shuttle himself. “I told you once before. We do this _together_ or _not at all_.”

Ren’s breathing changes, each breath shallower now that he’s slowly waking up. Hux leans forward. “The galaxy will be _ours_ for the taking, and we cannot succeed if you insist on charging off on your own like an absolute _fool_. Starkiller is gone and—”

 _I didn’t realize you cared so much, General_. Ren’s voice is weakened, tired and quiet and tinged with something that could resemble misery in a lesser person, but his mouth isn’t moving. Hux frowns deeply; he’s never liked communicating with Ren this way, but it’s been necessary, and even useful at times when they needed to speak without anyone overhearing the conversation.

Hux will not yield this time, though. Ren’s one visible eye is open, bleary from the sedatives, so he doesn’t feel the need to hold back. “I _care_ because our plans are in shambles around our feet. Starkiller is collapsing on itself, thanks to the Resistance. You nearly died at the hands of an untrained girl. Neither of those are acceptable losses, Ren, not if we’re to succeed, and _that_ is what I care about.”

Ren heaves a sigh, although it comes out pained. _I had a plan_. _It failed._

“And what, exactly, was that plan? Go after a droid for some map, only to be distracted by a girl? Chase after the girl and let her almost kill you? Because that’s exactly what happened—”

 _She’s more powerful than me. Completely untrained and unaware of her own abilities_. _She has vast potential. It was worth the try._

Hux is _this_ close to hurling the nearby jug of water at Ren’s head, his wounds be damned. “Losing Starkiller was worth it? Letting the Resistance escape through our fingers yet again was _worth it?_ Not to mention the damage to the _Finalizer_ … you’ve been in the sickbay, under full sedation, for nearly seven full cycles! How is any of that worth it for one scavenger, even if she’s another Force user?” He suspects that he’s unraveling, and rapidly at that, but Ren has always brought out the worst in him. When he’s around Ren, he feels chaotic, uncontrolled, _helpless._ It’s awful. It’s addicting.

Ren blinks at him, visible eye wider now, before he turns away. It exposes the bandaged side of his face, damp with bacta gel. _I’m well aware of my mistakes, General. Do not be concerned_ _on that front._ How he manages to sound so hurt, even without actually saying a word, is beyond Hux’s comprehension.

For the love of—Hux doesn’t have time or patience for Ren’s sulking. His chair clatters against the durasteel wall with how quickly he stands, but he can hardly be bothered to worry about the noise now. “ _You_ _idiot_ ,” he repeats, and he bends down to kiss Ren as hard as he can.

He hates how _sentimental_ Ren can make him, but the tight vise on his heart loosens, little by little, as they kiss longer and longer. Ren is tired and pliant under his mouth, but he responds after a moment, and Hux is gentler in response, as if anyone would ever accuse him of being gentle. But he eases back when Ren tries to bite at his bottom lip, smoothing his wild hair back with one hand and cradling his uninjured cheek with the other. This is enough for now, for him to know that Ren is still alive—held together by bacta gel and what seems like sheer stubbornness, yes, but still here.

When they break apart, Ren turns away again, but only to rub his cheek against the soft leather of Hux’s glove. Hux watches as he breathes for the space of two heartbeats, then tugs on the fingertips. The glove slides off his hand easily when Hux straightens out for him. Ren’s skin is warm on his palm when they touch again, despite the chill in the room and his convalescence; he runs like a furnace and Hux has never been sure if it’s because of his size or because of his power. Perhaps it’s both.

Ren slips his fingers between Hux’s, squeezing gently, and Hux leans down again to slide their lips together. By the time they break apart, he’s at least convinced himself that Ren isn’t likely to die from his injuries any time in the near future, and he won’t be throwing himself out an airlock to avoid Snoke’s wrath.

“Together, or not at all,” he says, forehead pressed to Ren’s like they’re lovers out of a holofilm. How uncharacteristically maudlin of him. But all that matters to him now is that Ren nods and sighs into their next kiss, and his heart is still beating, and his wounds will heal.

 _Together, then_.

**Author's Note:**

> (When Hux thinks back on this night, a year later, he should’ve known Ren was never one to keep his promises.)
> 
> I am on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/parttimewonders) and [Tumblr](https://part-timewonders.tumblr.com/), so come say hi.


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